From A Distance I'm Into You

Dear Liam and Me,

I tend to always fall for the type of guys whom I never talk to or see. I am a pretty shy person, so whenever I see them walk by in the hallway, I totally avoid any sort of eye contact and stay completely aloof, pretending I don't notice them at all.

What should I do? How can I break out of my comfort zone and get rid of this horrible habit?

Sincerely,
Trapped in a Bubble

Dear Trapped:

How do you know you like these guys if you never talk to them? Its one thing to think they’re hot, and another to actually like them as people. You’ll never know unless you just man up and do it.

You will have many regrets throughout your life if you don’t give things like this a shot. It will be weird and embarrassing at first, but it will open up tremendous opportunities. Psych yourself out and make the first move!

PLEASE watch this video for inspiration.



Love,
Liam

These Boots Were Made For Walking All Over You

Dear Liam and Me,

I've been described as a fairly big-hearted person. That being said, I'm also a pushover. I let my best friend move down to live with me after she got kicked out of college. I did this with the stipulation she get a job and pay rent and such.

I got her her first job, and things were okay for the first month. Then she quit her job, and I was expected to pay every bill AND buy her food. I was working 40 hour weeks and going to school while she sat at the apartment playing on myspace. I was also taking her to shows, buying her CDs, and getting her tattoos. I bought her cigarettes even though my mother died from smoking, and steak at restaurants even though I don’t eat meat.

Every time I tried to kick her out, she'd guilt me into letting her stay. This past week, with the help of my family, I finally managed to get her out of the country, away from me.

All of our mutual friends have decided to be mad at me because she's gone. They never had to take care of her and none of them offered her a place to stay when they knew she was leaving, but they still find it really easy to blame me for her not being around anymore.

Should I try to make them understand the situation or should I just ditch them for better friends?

Troubled in Texas

Uhhh, can you like buy me cigarettes bitch?

Dear Troubled –

OH MY F*CKING GOD. Calling yourself a pushover is the understatement of the century. Its cool to ask for help, but no friend should ever impose on you to the extent that this girl did. And no friend should let herself be walked over to that insane degree. You missed out on a million chances to say “No [way in hell, biatch]!” Buying her smokes, steak, and tattoos? While paying every single bill and letting her crash? Wow.

I’m glad you finally got her out of your apartment, and its probably better that she is out of the country.

As for your “mutual friends”, it’s easy to complain when you don’t have to bear the burden. I’m inclined to say find some better friends. But if you want to keep them around, point out their hypocrisy. Try telling them you’d be happy to call her up and tell her she’s welcome to come back move in at THEIR houses.

“No.”
“No way in hell.”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“How about you pick up this steak dinner and I’ll get the next?”
“Get out of my apartment or I will throw your sh*t in the street.”

With resolve,
Liam

Don't Date Band Dudes!

Dear Liam -

I seriously always seem to fall in love with musicians who don't have the time for a girlfriend. Or so they tell me. Maybe I'm naive enough to believe it, or maybe they're really busy all the time, but I can never seem to get one that's actually interested enough to make it work. Even if I meet them at a library or a bookstore, they turn out to be a "super busy drummer/guitarist/lead singer" and it drives me batty. Is there any way to either repel musicians or to make it work? I mean, has it worked in your experience? I'm pretty damn attractive, and pretty smart, so I don't get it.

-Bummed out in California


Dear Bummed:

This one is a classic, and the answer is always the same. Band boys are pretty despicable with women. They join bands because they love music almost as much as they love getting attention, and they validate their insecurities by stringing along as many girls as possible. Unless Dude is a serious touring musician, chances are he's not too busy for a relationship. He's having a good time being a man slut, and happy with the status quo. I understand why girls are into band dudes, but those same qualities make them shitty boyfriends. There are exceptions to every rule (ahem), but this is usually the case.

Your best bet is to turn the tables and blow him off. Dress cute and flirt casually, and when Dude asks you to come back to his place, tell him he seems nice but isn't really your type. This will blow his mind, and his ego will compel him to try and bone you. I'm getting turned on just thinking about being rejected. Straight-up Mystery Method!

Attractive and smart, you say? Watcha doing this weekend?

Suerte,
Liam

"Sorry girl, I've been real busy."

NYC vs LA

Dear Liam and Me –

New York or LA?

Bi-coastal Biatch

Dear Bi-coastal:

NYC is my favorite. But they both rock in their own special ways. I made this handy table to help you make a decision.

Kisses,
Liam

I made this rad table in Microsoft Word.

Dream Jobs

Dear Liam and Me –

I have this wonderful job that I enjoy and am very good at. It has fantastic potential and can lead to a great many things, and I get to help people who truly need it on a daily basis. My trouble is recently another opportunity has presented itself that, for lack of a better term, happens to be my “dream job.” So, do I stay in the job I know I enjoy, or risk everything for something that may fail miserably? You see, if I go for broke and choose the latter, what happens if it’s a bust? Then what?

Sincerely,
Opportunity Knocked

Dear Knocked –

It sounds like you have a rare and fantastic opportunity to live your dream. For the love of god, don’t screw it up! If your current job really loves you, they will understand your need to go out and actualize. And as long as your dream job isn’t something like crack whore or African warlord, they will probably be proud of you.

Go go do it. Stay on good terms with your old work people so that you can go crawling back if things don’t go as planned.

Cheers!
Liam

How to f*ck your shy friends

Dear Jackie Treehorn and Co. -

I have liked this boy for a very long time. We talk occasionally but not that much. I try very hard to make casual conversation, and to get him to notice me but it doesn’t seem to do much. I can’t say I think he’s completely uninterested, because I’ll look up in class every now and then and he’ll be looking at me. But I can’t ever get him to have a long conversation with me.

Maybe he’s just shy? Or maybe I am wrong and he is completely uninterested? What do you think?

Much love,
Lonely Lucy

Dearest Lonely –

You probably won’t be lonely much longer. From your description, it sounds like the gentleman in question is a shy, sweet dude who probably has a crush on you and is too verklempt to do anything about it. The staring at class is a dead giveaway, unless you have something horrifying in your teeth.

You’re a woman of the 21st century, so take charge and make the first move. Invite him to hang outside of school. If he’s shy, invite him and a buddy to go somewhere with a larger group first. You’ll be getting your extra curricular activities on in no time.

Sloppy Kisses,
Liam

Writer's Bloc

Dear Liam –

I’m an amazing writer, right? And I have all these ideas.
But when I try to type them out, my mind goes blank.

I don’t know if you guys write stories, but I know you write songs and lyrics. Do you ever get writer’s block? If so, how do you deal with it?

Luhvv,
Mae

Dear Mae:

Writer’s block is the balls, and every artist suffers from it. You have to figure out what inspires you and makes you feel creative, then try and get yourself into that mindset.

Two things help me a lot:

1. Jot down every little idea you have. Even if its just one little part, one cool fragment, one character’s revelation, little snippets can be synthesized into a great story and prove to be a breakthrough.

2. If you write, read lots of books. If you make music, listen to tons of music. Movies, painting, photography, whatever. Consume lots of the art you aspire to make and mine it for ideas.

Good things will come to you. Promise. Absinthe and mushrooms have also helped many great creative minds.

Cheers,
Liam